Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
I cannot believe how long it has been and have no reason to give for my absence.
My amazing partner is Sean McKinney. He is great! I am so happy!
I live on a farm with 15 acres.
I have a little mini motorcycle.
He has a big motorcycle that I LOVE and we enjoy riding together.
We own our own business in Real Estate Appraising.
We have 6 horses, 2 big dogs and 4 cats.
We are getting chickens and pigmy goats in the spring.
He has 3 girls: 18 and 11 yr old twins.
Cooper is doing GREAT! He turns 4 in Feb.
We live 8 miles away from a wonderful state wildlife reserve that has a beautiful lake.
We have a pond that went dry but we are working to get it full again so we can put a lil boat on it.
I still have and love my convertible.
Megan is still in San Fran with Jonathan and they are very happy. Looking to move to the midwest and start having children;)
Courtney is doing great and is going to school to become an RN in Macomb, which is an hour away from here.
That's it for now. I will think of more later ;) Good to be back!
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
I miss you so much already. I actually missed you the second after I realized you were really gone. I used to panic when I thought of your passing as I couldn't imagine life without you. From a selfish standpoint.............who was going to look out for me, stand up for me and think I was the greatest??!! But over these last few months I realized how selfish that was and I thought I had made peace with you going to heaven and with me taking care of myself 100%. But I was wrong. The perfectionist is coming out in me as I go over and over the details of your last few minutes and I wish I could have them back and dictate the event, of course I know this is a fantasy, but we do strange things when we are grieving.
If I could have that time back and dictate what would have happened here is how it would have went:
-You would have told me "it's time", instead of "I'm getting outa here", which was kinda cute, but at that exact moment I didn't know that you "literally" were.
-I would have had time to call family
-You wouldn't have struggled to breathe or turn blue, which of course scared me even though I had been told that by the hospice nurses.
-You wouldn't have gone so fast that I didn't have time to sit by you the ENTIRE 3 mins because I was frantically calling the hospice nurse, thank GOD Megan and Courtney were by your side as I was busy on the phone.
-I would have got to say to you in a final and formal way "Thank you for all you have done for me. Thank you for protecting me and taking care of me. Thank you for making me feel loved in the formative years when my life as a child was so unsteady. Thank you for being who you were which was cool and wild and adventurous at heart. Thank you for tickling my back those hot summer nights as a little girl. Thank you for taking me EVERYWHERE with you, including auto shops, motorcycle shops, back woods cafes and letting me stop at every gumball and candy machine on the way out. Thank you for the moments of falling asleep with my head in your lap on long drives and sitting on your lap while watching TV clear up until I was in 7th grade. Thank you for loving the girls the way you did. They have so many fond memories. You made the ordinary, extraordinary. Thank you for letting me know you had my back if I EVER needed you. Thank you for being the one true constant in my life since the day I was born. Thank you for taking care of me when you could have been off having fun, living your life. Thank for taking me in for good when I was in 6th grade. Thank you for allowing me to run into bed with you and grams in the middle of the night because I was scared, and it was often. Thank you for coming to my house at 3 in the morn if I got scared to look for the boogieman. Thank you for just ALWAYS being there when I needed you. That is so rare these days."
-I would have told you "I love you" and that it was my privilege to care for you when you could no longer care for yourself.
-I then would have kissed your forehead and stroked your head for the last time and you would have closed your eyes and took your last breath peacefully.
While I had told you all those things above a million times, especially in the last few weeks, the perfectionist would have wanted it just as I stated above.
I am so grateful for all our alone time these last few months. I would not have traded it for any amount of money, job, or relationship in the world and I know you know I mean every word of that.
When I cry it's because:
-I am sad I will never get to talk with you again
-I am sad because of what you went through and how you hated not being able to be active
-I am sad for how certain family members tried control you by telling you what to do instead of asking you what you wanted and this caused you distress instead of peace
-I am sad for how certain family members made you cry with their jabs and snide comments.
-I am sad because I will never have anyone protect me the way you did
-I am sad that Cooper won't get to have the memories me and the girls have
-I am sad I didn't get just a lil more time with you
-I am sad at how much you hated having to rely on others to care for you in the end
-I am sad more people didn't come and hang out with you so that you were NEVER lonely
- my hearts aches
I will forever cling to the memories of:
-the anticipation of coming to the farm from the Quad Cities when I was really little and seeing your smiling face and knowing how spoiled I would be by you
-going on long work trips with you and getting to hang with the boys
-you showing me off at all the little diners we ate at together
-that feeling of really having someone to fall back on when in a pinch, knowing you would never not be there
-that feeling of knowing I could have whatever I wanted if I only asked. But it was enough that I knew and I didn't take advantage of it because you taught me to have charactor and not act like a brat
Have fun in heaven doing "whatever" you want!
Monday, May 17, 2010
a work in progress
*self- I aspire to be honest, courageous, morally sound, virtuous, disciplined, calm, loving, generous, service minded, encouraging, to not run away but face fears and bullies, be compassionate, be patient, to have a vision for all areas of my life, to have fun, be free-spirited, to take care of me: emotionally, spiritually and physically,
*parent- I aspire to admit my faults, work on correcting those faults, love unconditionally, be an encouragement to my children and grandchildren, lead by example, not punish but allow natural consequences to be the model of learning to be better, give freedom until they are a danger to themselves and then protect, to speak quietly, to calm down, to be patient, to lend a helping hand when asked not force my thinking on them, to say “I'm sorry, please forgive me” when needed,
*grandchild- I aspire to care and love as I was loved, to be patient during illness and ageing, to be patient because of differences, to be calm, to be diligent, to care with grace,
*student- I aspire to do my best, to be disciplined, to work hard, to never give up, to prioritize, to have a vision
*friend- I aspire to inspire, to uplift, to be of help, to have fun, to be honest and patient, to love unconditionally,
*home- I aspire to have a home that is warm, inviting, cozy, clean, clutter free, simple, organized,
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Tomorrow I start working towards my MS in Higher Education.
I am getting it from an online school that is nationally accredited. I have always known if I went back to school I wanted it to be online. I found most of my college professors either boring or weird anyway. And I hadn't being on a schedule like that. Online learning is the wave of the future and was made for people like me, who like learning in their own way and not being tied down to classroom/professor structure.
I am excited and feel revitalized after being laid off (very unexpectedly) from a job I mostly loved, to be moving a some sort of positive and worthwhile direction.
I have went through several years of not knowing and now I feel certain and filled with happy anticipation.
Good Luck to me;)
Peace and Grace and Love to all;)
10 simple secrets for a calmer and happier you!
Deal with difficult people gently
Tell yourself: “Only I can destroy my peace, and I choose not to do so.
Consider your words before speaking
Tell people: “Let me think about it”
Free yourself from feeling like a victim
Consider letting someone off the hook for a deed they committed.
Open your mind to new possibilities
Practice having a beginners mind-open to all.
Accept things as they are
Simple as that.
Trust that you can do it
Focus on effort, not results.
Allow yourself to truly listen to others
Develop listening skills.
Reflect before you send an email
Stop, close your eyes, and breathe for a few seconds.
Pause before you say too much
Consider what you are about to say before saying it.
Know when you can and can't help others
There are times when you CAN and CANNOT help others.
Monday, March 8, 2010
I'm so excited you're checking out this page! It's not hard to live and eat healthier -- you just have to know how. That way, you can still enjoy food, it'll still be delicious, and you'll feel better!
I've listed a lot of information here. Take a look around and don't forget to check back often. I'll be constantly updating things, because I'm learning new recipes and tips every day too!
I personally chose to go vegan because I educated myself on factory farming and cruelty to animals, and I suddenly realized that what was on my plate were living things, with feelings. And I just couldn't disconnect myself from it any longer. I read books like "Diet for a New America" and saw documentaries like "Earthlings" and "Meet your Meat," and it became an easy choice for me.
If you choose to educate yourself, it'll be an easy choice for you, too. Take a look at a variety of reasons for living a vegan life.Read more: http://ellen.warnerbros.com/thoughts/#ixzz0hcYnt9LN
Check out more Ellen Here
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
-I got laid off from the job I loved so much 3 wks ago. Budget cuts.
-I am keeping Coopers kitty, Annie, here during the winter and she has ruined all my new leather furniture by scratching it. But she is the sweetest, most affectionate cat you will ever meet
-Coopers mommy and daddy split up. I have him a lot and am very grateful I am so close to be here during this time.
-I am a Kiwanis now and love it. I can't wait to get busy helping out.
-I am part of a leadership academy through our chamber. It started the beginning of Feb. and goes till April. I love it.
-I can't wait for spring to get here. I want to get out of the house and play with Cooper and walk to parks.
-Buck is getting older and having trouble jumping up on the bed and moans and groans;(
-Chloe HATES the kitty-Annie
-I am very optomistic about the future even though I just got laid off
-I feel peaceful
-I want to go to Disney so bad. Wait I also want to work for Disney in some fashion.
-I can't wait to see the Celine Dion movie soon, I will go see her act in Vegas in 2011
-I love watching Ellen. It is so inspiring as an example to be yourself and have fun.
-I am still single. Try dating someone a while back. No go. What I learned from it was to trust your gut instints and don't try and talk yourself into anything. I 100% believe in not forcing the issue. I truely believe it will happen when the time is right;) I am happy and content on my own for now.
-Megs is super happy in San Fran with her man and her job as a 1st grade teacher.
-My gramps is not doing well at all with his fibrosis of the lung. I try to be as helpful as I can. Lately I have been getting him mysteries and westerns at the library.
-Grams is good.
-Court is good considering. She works in direct care where I use to work. She loves it but it is over night.
That's all for now. Lettin it flow naturally. XOXOXOXOXO to you all;)