My mission statement~

I intend on "trying" to live a life that is about: not putting in my mouth things that are bad for me or have come from an animal that was treated cruely while alive on this earth and during slaughter, creating lasting fond memories for my children and grandchildren, adventure, challenging myself, respect others regardless of species, race, color or creed, taking risks, having fun, being grateful, respecting myself & my body, being authentically myself, taking responsibility for my actions, being proactive, being a problem solver, taking action, introspection, transition, change, honesty, growth, loving & helping others, having integrity, doing my best, being easy on myself, enjoying this world, becoming well read, seeing the wonder of it all and never allowing fear to hold me back!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

What is it??????

It's not..........................

**Melancholia (from Greek μελαγχολία - melagcholia[1], also called lugubriousness, moroseness, or wistfulness), in contemporary usage, is a mood disorder of non-specific depression, characterized by low levels of enthusiasm and eagerness for activity. In a modern context, "melancholy" applies only to the mental or emotional symptoms of depression or despondency; historically, "melancholia" could be physical as well as mental, and melancholic conditions were classified as such by their common cause rather than by their properties. Similarly, melancholia in ancient usage also encompassed mental disorders which would later be differentiated as schizophrenias or bipolar disorders


Sadness is an emotion characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, and helplessness. When sad, people often become quiet, less energetic, and withdrawn. Sadness is considered to be the opposite of happiness, and is similar to the emotions of sorrow, grief, misery, and melancholy. The philosopher Baruch Spinoza defined sadness as the “transfer of a person from a large perfection to a smaller one.” Sadness can be viewed as a temporary lowering of mood (colloquially called "feeling blue"), whereas clinical depression is characterized by a persistent and intense lowered mood, as well as disruption to one's ability to function in day to day matters.
The word 'sad' is also used as a derogatory slang term and may refer to something, an opinion or a pursuit that is considered unfashionable or questionable by the majority of people but is relentlessly pursued in any case. For example the hobby of trainspotting (the collection of train identification numbers) has been considered by a large majority of people to be 'sad'. The wearing of unfashionable clothing is another example of what may also be considered 'sad'.

So what is it!

Always around this time of year I subconsciously start to feel "alone" or I "tear up easily" but I don't feel a lack of energy, depressed, or "oh poor me", etc.

For some reason I miss having parents around this time of year and this is made worse by having an empty nest and no significant other. I had this before my girls were grown and before I was without a significant other???

I hate even admitting this because I don't "need" a man, I am perfectly happy living alone most of the time and I am VERY independent.

But around the holidays something happens to me deep down no matter how much I try to ignore it, and believe me.............I try hard to ignore it.

Cooking isn't as fun, shopping isn't as fun and decorating isn't as fun when you don't have a nuclear family in the house.

Don't worry, I am just sharing. I am fine and I look for ways to try and not feel like this;)

It's just interesting to me how all this works inside the heart and soul!
I count my blessings and am grateful for what I have. I love the Christmas season and this sense that I get does not make me dis-like the holiday's????
Please don't misunderstand me...........I don't think my life sucks, I don't feel sorry for myself, and I know I could have things a lot worse.
This is just a feeling I am talking about.
Oh well, life goes on;)


Miss Anne said...

I feel you on this. I have been feeling relatively somber myself... I think it's the severe change in seasons... the hustle and bustle.... etc...

Know that you aren't alone in this... take heed knowing you're an awesome woman.. and this too shall pass.

Thanks for being my newest follower... I've added myself as a follower too... :)

Deb said...

oh, dear...i feel badly that my post made you cry. holidays are tough but you have to keep yourself upbeat. i always consider matter how much i think my life sucks, there is always someone worse than me. and believe me, i have had a terrible 15 months. things are just beginning to turn the corner. though all this, i have had my faith.
soon, this will pass and you will feel better and i promise not to post anymore heart wrenching posts!

Carolynn said...

It's helpful to express feelings like this. It helps to get them out so they don't bounce around inside and mess us up.

Perhaps you have a touch of Seasonal Affective Disorder (S.A.D.) It usually comes on for me around this time of year. Less hours of sunlight, etc.

Chin up, girl. In this virtual world, you most definitely are not alone.

Big Hug!

Anonymous said...

I absolutely feel you on this. I get the same way and this year, with our added stress of being displaced from home, and not really known where things are going with my SO (or whatever he is), I tend to overthink, overanalyze and just generally feel like things can't get much worse. Weird how it is the merriest time of the year, and so many feel so.....ICK


Toni said...

I think I'll just sit down next to you for awhile. Okay, Ahhh, Hmmm, wanna come over to my house?

Dana and Daisy said...

You're not alone, but that probably doesn't make you feel better. I've felt this way at different years, more than others. It's good that you are sharing your feelings with others.

Some things that might help you would be spending time with Cooper all you can! Do something small for yourself every day, like a bubble bath. Do something for others less fortunate. Remember the commercialism of the holidays is not what it's all about. Talk to all of us! Eat right, take care of yourself. And get some sunshine and fresh air every day.

Love you Heidi! Dana

Deb said...

stopping by again to answer your questions regarding my little grandson...
he is 6 months old. I live 3 miles away and get to babysit him Monday and Tuesday for my daughter. His name is Jack and he has been the reason we made it through the last 15 months...really.
I miss you photo of Cooper as your header!

Tami said...

'Needing' and 'wanting' are two totally different things. So don't get down on yourself because you 'want' a mate. We were made to be paired up. Obviously if that was not the case we would be able to reproduce on our own.

I think it's okay to feel a little blue. Missing your family and lamenting the loss of loved ones. Again normal. I have someone that I miss terrible at times. And I have a candle and I light it in her memory when the feelings get oppressive. And that works for me. It makes me feel better. Seeing the little light flickering in the dark.....I remember you, as long as I live you will live on through me. You were loved then and you are loved now.

Scrappy Girl said...

I think what you described is perfectly normal and you seem to have a great outlook at it...the challenge is to find ways to lessen that feeling! Go hug that cute little boy! LOL!

Gallicissa said...

It's good to vent out your feelings like this. I wish I had a personal blog like yours. I enagage in my hobbies when I am feeling sad. It works for me for an extent.

Tink said...

I think it is the all around companionship that is missed around the holidays! You are not alone. Although I have a wonderful spouse, he works evenings and most holidays and so it CAN get lonesome. I try to rectify it by inviting people who have nowhere to go over for the holidays or to do shopping. It makes the experience a little more special! Hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

Muddy Boot Dreams said...

It's a hard time of year. Dark most of the time, and cold. Just know that although we may be called virtual friends, we are very real. And we care about you, and know that you care about us.

I for one, am really looking forward to brighter days, more sunshine, and a chance to get outside to take more photos.


Anonymous said...

Heidi, after reading all these wonderful posts where these ladies can relate to what you described, or at least understand it, I am very emotional. I think that a lot of women go through this. It is nice that we have this blogging outlet now to reach out to each other and encourage.

I often feel that way during this time of year and you know that I have busyness and people around me a lot. Even with a man and four kids, I get very lonely and sad at times. I think it is some sort of "cleansing" if you will. At least for me. When I push threw it I feel stronger and empowered at the other end. I know... it doesn't last forever and then you have to do it again next year... but just want you to know, like all your other fans... you are not alone and we love you! You are a very special lady.

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

It's a hard time during the holidays when those that we love have gone to the other side, as we want to share our hearts with them once more. Memories of those special times is all we have with them. I am sure you are making new memories now with your girls. You always have us in blogland to help you through.