My mission statement~

I intend on "trying" to live a life that is about: not putting in my mouth things that are bad for me or have come from an animal that was treated cruely while alive on this earth and during slaughter, creating lasting fond memories for my children and grandchildren, adventure, challenging myself, respect others regardless of species, race, color or creed, taking risks, having fun, being grateful, respecting myself & my body, being authentically myself, taking responsibility for my actions, being proactive, being a problem solver, taking action, introspection, transition, change, honesty, growth, loving & helping others, having integrity, doing my best, being easy on myself, enjoying this world, becoming well read, seeing the wonder of it all and never allowing fear to hold me back!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

It's my Birthday, memories and presents~

I woke up this morning thinking........................
It's my birthday
about my mom!
Well because on my "birth" day my mom was there, having me, bringing me into the world.
I lost my mom when I was in second grade to mental illness (she left us at a baby sitter's, never to return) and then to death (she was in a car accident and the police found my uncle's phone number (no one knew where she was) after 3 day's of searching her house, called him and I went out to Idaho to deal with things) when I was 30.
This morning I had a flood of wonderful memories of my mom~
With her mental illness she was either an above average, amazing mother or she was depressed and neglectful, but never abusive or anything bad overtly.
When she was feeling well she lite up the world with her smile and joy!
Here are some amazing memories I have of her that bring joy to my heart :
~When I was about 2 yrs of age I was in the hospital in one of those cribs with the heavy clear plastic over them with oxygen. I had pneumonia. I can remember seeing my mom come thru the door (the vision looks all blurry thru the thick plastic) and the utter joy and excitement of seeing her was like a angel coming. I adored my mom in a special way that I feel God blessed me with knowing she wouldn't be around for most of my life.
~I have a clear, almost video like memory of me and my neighbor sitting in the back seat of my mom's car while it was heating up on a cold, snowy day when I was in 1st grade and while we all waited for the car to heat up so my mom could take us to school, my mom turned around in her front drivers seat to look right at me and wink and give me a smile that said "I adore you and you are special" She had almost a twinkle in her eye and was snapping her Wrigley's spearmint gum like she always did. I can't do it to this day;) That moment sounds ordinarily sweet, but it was magical and I can feel those feelings when I think about it!
~The Christmas before she left us for good (February of my second grade) she called me into her bedroom and the bed was covered in presents and wrapping paper. She said "I am going to teach you to wrap presents". And she proceeded to very carefully, step by step show me how to perfectly wrap. To this day I wrap exactly the way she taught me and remember that teaching moment.
~The Christmas before she left was magical. She always made every event special. She always gave the best gifts. I got a little piano, some other things and a baby doll that was life size with blonde hair, a pink dress, a soft body and when you layed her back her eyes closed and she said "mama"! I adored real life babies and baby dolls and this one was perfect in every way. I clung to that doll, as it represented her love for me after she was gone. I sensed this would be my last Christmas with her (one of those mysteries of life) and remember that day well!
I can't use my scanner with my computer, long story, but someday I will figure out how to post pictures of my mom!
For now imagine a cross between Audrey Hepburn and Shirley jones (when she bleached her hair. Her hair was dark. I got my blonde from my dad)
I miss my mom so much and especially around my birthday and Christmas!


Yesterday we had a potluck Christmas party at work and a present exchange-

We drew names and wrote down 5 things we liked-







Which is exactly what I wanted.

I have loved Lang calendars for over 20 years.

I had a frame made at our local art/framing shop years ago and have my favorite images from my calendars each year matted and then I interchange them when I feel like it.

This is the frame and the current Lang image I have in it. This is literally from a calendar I had in 1987. I love it!

How come when I take the flash off it's blurry??

Anyway now stores sell frames for calendars. Wish I would have had the money to reproduce my idea years ago;)

Have a super great weekend everyone!


Mental P Mama said...

Happy Birthday! You share it with my baby brother! And I loved your mother memories. There is nothing so bittersweet as a birthday without your mother. I know it well. Blessings and hugs to you always, Lauren

Tracey said...

Happy Birthday Heidi!
I am so sorry you are missing your mom. What special memories you do carry with you of her though.
Take care,

Trying to Stay Calm! said...

~HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ L♥ts of L♥ve and Hugs :) Shauna

Patti said...

Happy Birthday!! What sweet,precious memories you have of your dear Mother!

Dana and Daisy said...

What sweet memories of your mom. Happy Birthday and may you feel the hand of little Cooper in yours today!

Kaci said...

Happy Birthday Heidi!! I'm sorry you miss you Mom she sounds like she was amazing before she got sick. Hope you have a great day.

amy m. provine said...

Heidi - Thanks for sharing your memories of your mom. I've seen so many pictures of her and I always wondered what she was like. I feel like I see her a little more clearly now.

Scrappy Girl said...

I loved hearing the memories of your mom...Happy Birthday!...I usually think of my birthmom on my birthday...I understand.

Lisa Loo said...

As someone who does the mental illness thing--your words are very sweet. I always hope I am creating enough good memories for my kids--it is my driving force. I am truly sorry for the loss (both ways) of your Mom and love that you think of her on your birthday.


Anonymous said...

Oh, Heidi, that was such a touching post. Happy Birthday... and I do mean HAPPY. You have endured so much and yet are such a joy... to me that is an amazing thing. Your mother had her positive effect on you that you still pull from today! Awesome girl! I would just love to see photos of her... and hear more about her. I just love good mother daughter stories! Even though you lost her entirely too young... you were very blessed to have her as your mother! :0) ((((hugs))))

Anonymous said...

Happy Birthday!
It is nice you have good memories of your Mom. She would like that.

Hope you day was special.

Rocky Mtn. Girl said...

Happy Birthday, Heidi.
I really don't know what to say about this post but only to hang on to those memories, cherish them.
I never had parents who ever cared about me so I can only imagine that these memories are very important, you did a wonderful tribute to her here, it is beautiful!

Anonymous said...

What a great day for a birthday!!!

Happy Birthday and Have a Great Weekend!!

tammy said...

First off, Happy Birthday! What sweet memories you have of your mom. I'm sad for your loss, but glad you have some great memories.

I love Lang calendars too. They are worthy of framing.

Marchelle said...

happy birthday heidi!!

thank you for sharing your memories of your mom with us!

hope this has been a wonderful day for you!

Tink said...

Happy HAPPY birthday! What wonderful memories you shared of your mother. I have a bipolar son and sister, so I understand mental illness. I'm sorry about the loss of your mother. God bless to you and your family and I'm glad you've been spoiled! You deserve it.

Janie said...

Happy, happy birthday baby (I'm singing it to you, can you hear it? I'm trying to sound like Elvis.)

Happy Birthday! I'm glad you remember your mom from such an early age! That is a gift in itself.

Mechelle said...

Happy Birthday. Maybe she was visiting you today. I am so glad you have all those wonderful memories of your mom. What a treasure. I am sorry she is gone. One day you will see her again. m

Toni said...

Happy Birthday, Heidi!

Nelly said...

It so difficult to know what to say to someone that is missing their mom, for no words heal the pain. But thank God you have such wonderful memories..

I hope your birthday was filled with some kind of joy.

DesertHen said...

What wonderful memories of your mother. (((HUGS))) to you and Happy Bithday....I hope you have had a lovely weekend.

What a great calendar. I always pick out my favorite pictures from various calendars, but then never get around to doing anything with them. I will have to look for that calendar frame and maybe I can get a few of my favs framed.

Jeannelle said...

Belated Happy Birthday wishes!

You told quite an amazing tribute story there about your mom. Wow. She suffered from bi-polar disorder, evidently. What tragedy for you that she was gone so early in your life. But, what wonderful memories you have and you tell them so well. It is good to read things like what you posted here.

Mother Goose said...

OHHH, I am so sorry, I thought for sure I was in here to wish you a wonderful birthday! I knew your birthday was on Saturday!!! because you told me on Tuesday! You hold very special memories.

Megan and Jonathan said...

it was so nice to hear those memories of Gma Betty. Glad you can write about her on your blog!